5 Minutes of Fabulous: Live fabulously with your boo thang, roommate, or family members
My boyfriend and I just recently celebrated our 9th anniversary together and we’ve been living with each other for about 6 years now.
I don’t know about you, but I’m not easy to live with.
I’m a neat freak, but I’m also lazy.
I have a very particular aesthetic, am a nut job about fluffing pillows, and I believe in saging my living space until it feels like a Buddhist temple.
I have food allergies.
I believe in using my Vitamix on the daily (the louder the better).
I dance around our apartment. I meditate on our couch. And I am a firm believer in having lit candles and beautiful tchotchkes around me at all times.
Now despite all of my idiosyncrasies and whoo whoo ways, I can say that our home is a peaceful one.
I grew up in a house that was the opposite of peaceful. It often felt like a war zone with yelling, cursing, constant fighting, and turmoil. Because of this, it is a priority to create a home with my boyfriend that feels light, warm, cozy, and a zone for honesty, tenderness, and love.
It’s taken lots of time, trial and error, and some uncomfortable conversations to get there, but I feel strongly that we have created a scared space together and one that continues to change and evolve.
Today I would like to spend our 5 minutes together sharing a couple of things that really helped shift things for us. My hope is that you may find one nugget of information that resonates with you so that you can apply it to your relationship with your significant other, roommate, or family.
Get over yourself and ask for help.
I understand that we are all fabulous badasses, and we all need help.
Once I recognized that I wasn’t doing anyone any favors by holding in my resentment for taking on the majority of the household chores and responsibilities, I decided to ask for help.
I said, “Babe, I need your help. Would you be willing to consider making our bed every morning while I shower? “
Would he be willing to consider it? Of course, he would consider it.
He loves me and because I was vulnerable about not being able to do it all and approached him in a loving way and not in an accusatory or defensive way, he was and is willing to consider doing anything that would make me happier.
I asked for help when I explained that it really bothered me to come out to a messy couch to meditate in the morning and asked him if he would be willing to consider fluffing the couch pillows before he comes to bed at night.
Would he be willing to consider creating a more zen space for me in the morning? Of course, he would be willing to do that.
I just had to ask.
He’s my Sous Chef and Right Hand.
I mentioned before that I have a few food allergies and when I decided to cut out some major food groups my boyfriend was supportive and understandably so, a bit nervous about what our future meals would look like.
Instead of taking full reasonability for our meals, I started to bring him into the process. We put music on and cook our meals together. I ask him to de-stem bunches of kale, chop onions, and help me bake gluten free pumpkin muffins.
I also set an intention that every time we cook together that I find at least one nice thing to say about his effort.
Instead of putting all the ownness on me to provide delicious meals, I bring him in on the process, and I find that doing this creates more ease for him and also pushes him to try new ingredients and flavor profiles. Which means lots more fun for the both of us!
I ask for what I need.
Babes, we create our own destiny. Nobody is a mind reader.
Which is why when I feel like I need more fun in my life, I ask for it.
When I want to dance more, I ask him to dance with me.
When I need my alone time on Sunday afternoon for a few hours to sit in our bedroom and listen to Frank Sinatra and journal, I ask for space.
When I wake up from a nap and feel like I need to be held like a baby, I ask him to hold me and to make me feel small.
When I feel like I’m over complicating my life, I ask him to look me in the eyes, help ground me, and to keep it real with me on how he thinks I can simplify.
But the point here is that I constantly put my pride aside and ask for what I need even if it may possibly make us uncomfortable. Because the more I show up for myself with vulnerability and honesty, the more I can show up as a better girlfriend, partner, friend, and roommate.
So, tell me, do you live with your boo thing, a roommate, a family member? Do they drive you insane? Is there one nugget from my experiences that you can apply to your life?
Please share with me in the comments section below.
Love you to the moon and back,